Jesús is a Jerk

FAQ

Why do you think Jesus is a jerk?

I don't. I think that my former gardener Jesús is a jerk.

Why must you say such horrible things about Jesus Christ?

I don't say bad things about Jesus Christ. I don't know him, don't care about him, and have nothing to do with him. This site isn't about Jesus Christ!!

Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?

No. There is no god. You're living a lie. Get over it.

Why did you make this site?

I discovered extensive evidence that my wife Sarah was having internal relations with Jesús, the guy who did our yard work, and decided that a great way to get back at them would be to put his picture on the Internet and invite people to punch him in the face.

Why should people punch Jesus?

Not Jesus -- Jesús!

Why didn't you put your wife's picture up and ask people to punch her, too?

Because I thought that after I got Jesús out of the picture Sarah and I could patch things up. I also assumed that the makeup sex for something this big would be incredible.

Doesn't that make you an idiot?

Yes.

A great, big, stupid idiot?

Yes. Fine. Stop rubbing it in.

Is your wife hot?

Ex-wife, and yes.

Can I f**k your [ex]wife?

Got $20 or a six pack? Then probably yes.

Was that a cheap shot?

Yep. Sarah has actually been pretty fair about all this and she's not really a b**ch w**re s**t who'd get horizontal for anything even vaguely resembling an erect mammal, despite what this site used to say on the home page. She's also the mother of our son, so I need to try and be nice to her. And she pays me alimony.

So was Sarah really running an illegal intersection with Jesús?

No.

So the whole mess was whose fault?

Probably largely mine, but it wouldn't have happened if Jesús wasn't a jerk.

And that's why you hate Jesus?

(Sigh) You people just don't listen, do you?